tylenold:

how do i lose weight quickly and easily and also how do i gain the ability to fly and breathe fire and how do i cheat death 

(via sorry)

ghostsfacer:

ghostsfacer:

just got back from the vet. you guys know what my dumb dog did?

he sprained his tail. from wagging it too hard. this is the stupidest thing.

image

(via thefuuuucomics)

operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

(via sorry)

mcqueeny:

there’s nothing worse than being hungry but not being able to figure out what you’re craving

(via sorry)

(via asian)

chihirocheerio:

lastchance-lastdance-girl:

shitty-tsundere:

oblivious-cancer:

finnthetimelord:

cosplay more like co$play

More like €o$p£a¥

€0$₱£a¥

€0$₱£4¥

how did you all miss cospay

(via salty-bittersweet)

beyoncebeytwice:

when u walk away from ur computer but forget ur wearing earphones

image

(via sorry)

(via asian)